Hello my friends,

Today I want to take a bit more personal approach and talk about something I have been navigating in my own spiritual formation lately. That is, resisting reactionary Christianity from taking root in my own heart and life as I continue to try to heal from the Christianity of my past. I hope it might be helpful to process together if you happen to be navigating that as well.

But before we get into that, here are some resources to consider on this topic.

RESOURCES TO CONSIDER

-My friend Janyne McConnaughey recently wrote and published a wonderful book called "Trauma in the Pews: The Impact on Faith and Spiritual Practices." In it, she combines personal stories, insight and current research to equip readers to recognize the effects of trauma on the brain and body, understand the impact of trauma on common spiritual practices, and support the healing of those who have been impacted by trauma. It is such a helpful resource.

-Another fascinating book I have been reading through is called, "The Word of a Humble God: The Origins, Inspiration, and Interpretation of Scripture," by Karen R. Keen. In it, Keen argues that the Bible and its origins reveal a humble God who invites us to imitate that humility—a humility that is itself the most powerful antidote to the misinterpretation and abuse of Scripture. It is a helpful counter to a lot of other interpretive methods we might be accustom to.

-Of course, I can't not recommend "Wholehearted Faith," by Rachel Held Evens. This book is for the doubter and the dreamer, the seeker and the sojourner, those who long for a sense of spiritual wholeness as well as those who have been hurt by the Church but can’t seem to let go of the story of Jesus. Through theological reflection and personal recollection, Rachel wrestles with God’s grace and love, looks unsparingly at what the Church is and does, and explores universal human questions about becoming and belonging. An unforgettable, moving, and intimate book.

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-Lastly, I want to recommend a classic. "The Road to Daybreak," by Henri Nouwen. It is his intimate diary that records his poignant year at L'Arche, which began in the summer of 1985, a precious time of inner renewal and self-discovery. With simplicity and honesty, he describes how the experience changed his attitudes and enriched his spiritual life. Here Nouwen recounts the struggles and self-doubts he faced along this rocky road to a new vocation as he introduces us to the people of L'Arche and many others whose impact on him was deep and life-lasting. Such was the impact of this experience that he chose to say yes to the call to go to L'Arche Daybreak Community in Toronto and make it his permanent home and ministry.
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Oaky, onto today's content.

Resisting Reactionary Christianity​
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The last few years have been really difficult for many of us Christians.

Not only have we watched Christianity being used for such heartbreaking things politically and within the church, but we have gone through a lot of crisis in our own personal faith as well.

This has led to loss of relationships and even the loss of entire church communities.

As many of you know, for me, all of this culminated in being pushed out of my previous denomination in 2021, after 14 years of licensed ministry. Then graciously received into a different denomination. Having my credentials removed by the former and restored by the latter. It really was one of the most painful experiences of my life. A wound I am still carrying and processing today. (You can read that full story here).

Add to this my active work to untangle scripture and my understandings of Jesus from the Evangelicalism and Fundamentalism of my past, it has caused me to be highly aware of where I’ve come from, yet unsure of where I am going in many ways, let alone where the church as a whole is going, especially within the United States.

As a pastor, I cannot help but think about my personal faith, the nature of the church, and my pastoral call in the midst of who God is calling collective Christianity to be. My life, my vocation, and my calling are tied to all three.

I have come to call this the “in between” place. I think that is where many of us are. In fact, I think this is where the western church is as a whole.

Church history shows us that the church goes through a great reformation roughly every 500 years. The Protestant reformation being the last major reformation.

Israel before that went through major reforms as well. 40 years in wondering the desert, which is an entire generation of people, cannot help but bring a major reform. They had just spent over 400 years being shaped by the ways of Egypt and had some reformation to do.

God got them out of Egypt, but God also had to get Egypt out of them.

I believe the church, especially in the United States is in the midst of major reform right now. In many ways.

God is bringing the church out of its own “Egypt” and God still needs to get the ways of Egypt out of the church. And here we are, all wondering the wilderness together, feeling like we are going in circles sometimes.

Just like all other reformations of the past, it is messy, it is chaotic, it isn’t linear, and while some parts can be hopeful that change is happening, it is still pretty painful.

Being stuck “in between” what the church was before and what the church will be in the future is a hard and difficult place to be. A place full of questions, doubt, and uncertainty.

We know what we don’t want Christianity to look like anymore, but we aren’t quite sure what it should look like in the days ahead, let alone how to get there. It feels like such an unstable, uncomfortable place to be.

To be completely transparent with you, being in this uncertain wilderness often tempts me to be reactionary.

I find myself getting so upset over the pain the church has caused me and so many others that I am tempted to let my anger consume my heart. It tempts me to “lash out” online with some blistering post.

I find myself getting so frustrated with the rigid, dogmatic beliefs that I held for so long and were imposed upon me, that I am tempted to become just as rigid and dogmatic with the beliefs I hold now.

I find myself being tempted to get pulled into articles and posts online knowing they are not going to be helpful for my spiritual or mental wellbeing and just add to my hurt and frustration with the way things are.

Sometimes I fall into these temptations. I find my mind getting angry and preoccupied with all that is wrong within Christianity, so much so that it prevents me from being present. Present with my family. Present with my friends. Present with my work. And dare I say, present with all that is still good within Christianity.

My friends, I desperately don’t want to cultivate a reactionary Christianity. Because isn’t that exactly what brought us to this point in the first place? A reactionary Christianity?

A Christianity that reacted so negatively to our culture that it responded with legalism and political idolatry?

A Christianity that reacted so negatively to people doubting, questioning, and critiquing the faith that it responded by doubling down against them and even pushing them out?

A Christianity that reacted so negatively to the rapid change in our world that it responded with a grand attempt to control everything and everyone?

A Christianity that reacted to revelations of its own sin, hypocrisy, and abuse in such a dismissive way that it responded by just sweeping it under the rug?

Isn’t that what has caused so much of the harm and pain we are seeing?

What is more, didn’t this kind of reactionary Christianity do so with the strong, sincere conviction that it was doing so for the right reasons and even “the will of God?”

Don’t I feel the same sincere conviction about the work I’m doing right now?

I don’t want to respond to reactionary Christianity by just creating another kind of reactionary Christianity.

I don’t want to become just as fundamentalist in the opposite direction from the fundamentalism of my past.

I don’t want to become just as dogmatic, legalistic, and controlling just with different beliefs.

I want to cultivate the humility in myself that I see in Jesus every time I read the scriptures.

I want to show the compassion to others I was rarely given and rarely saw in the Evangelicalism of my past. I want to grow in wisdom rather than in rigidity. I want to grow in love rather than a desire to control.

As I move away from the pain and hurt of the reactionary Christianity of my past, I want to move gently and intentionally into a more restorative Christianity. A Christianity that helps to cultivate and produce the fruit of the Spirit in and through me. I want a more loving, joyful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and composed Christianity. Maybe that’s the kind of Christianity you want as well.

Maybe you resonate with the temptation to be reactionary as well, especially online. So, I thought I would share a few online practices I try to maintain in my own life as best I can:

1. Wait an hour or two before posting something. This gives me a chance to check my motives behind posting something. Is it out of anger? It is out of spite? Is it out of bitterness? Or is it out of a desire to edify and challenge? Then I go back and rewrite where needed. I want my online voice to be as kind and clear as if I was talking to someone in person. And even if I post something after this process and I don’t feel 100% about it, I’ll delete it and perhaps wait longer to post.
2. Schedule my online consumption. A steady diet of social media isn’t healthy for me. So I schedule time in the morning, maybe my lunch break, and then a little in the evening, then stick to that schedule. It helps me be present and focused. I also notice that I am much less anxious throughout my day when I stick to my schedule rather than just constantly and randomly checking in online.
3. Use the internet for something other than social media. There are so many great articles and books online. I have an app called “pocket” where I can easily store articles and other things that people I admire produce to read when I’d like. This helps me stay informed at my one pace without ever logging onto social media.
4. Put up healthy online boundaries. One of the areas I am most tempted to be reactionary is when people sent me “hate mail,” which is often. They are often filled with such venomous and hostile words. They are always questioning my heart, my character, and calling me a “false prophet,” a “satanist,” and much worse. I have even had people send hateful messages to my wife about things I have posted. Some have even said they were going show up at my church to call me out in person. These are scary things to hear. So, I used to get really defensive and try to reason with them, even argue. Then I let it wear on my mental health. Hearing those words on such a consistent basis made me wonder if they were accurate, especially in really vulnerable moments. I never want people to be upset with me. So, it hurts when people are. Now, I have found the most healthy approach is to block people when they cross the line into hate. Then I just try to move on and forget about their words. My mental and emotional health doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment and needs to be put first. So does yours.
5. Take a break. I will often take extended breaks from the internet, especially social media. These “sabbath” periods are really helpful. Yet, they are difficult to take because I want to stay in contact with my online community. However, I know that I will arrive as my best self when I take the needed time away. I am less tempted to be reactionary when I rest when I need to. On these breaks, I read books. I drink good coffee. I spend time with my family. I take a walk in nature. I exercise. I do what I can to connect deeper to the world and the people that are immediately around me. They are so rejuvenating.

These five practices have not only helped me in my online behavior, but in my personal life as well. As is shown all throughout the Bible, when we cultivate a habit of taking the time to listen well, being slow to anger, maintaining healthy boundaries, humility, and self control, life feels so much less forced and anxious, and a lot more peaceful and grace filled.

The unforced life is so needed when we are all in this messy, “in between” wilderness together.

Now I’d like to hear from you. How did you resonate with what I wrote here? Have you encountered a similar inclination to reactionary Christianity? Respond to this email and let me know. I'd love to hear you thoughts and what you've found helpful.

If you find this project helpful and would like to support it through a one time gift, you can do so here.​

Also, some of you have kindly asked for a recurring support options. I was finally able to set those up. There's a $5/mo, $10/mo, and a $15/mo available. I deeply appreciate all of your support. It really does help me to keep this project alive.

Thank you all so much for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Ben​

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